Regrets and Decisions
by Reflectedd
Summary: Kim has some regrets that she's having trouble facing and Shego's got some decisions to make. Will they figure it out or walk away from each other?
1. Beginnings

She walked into her apartment, the lights were off but she had long since memorized the layout. With the nightlife of Go City starting up for the night, the city lights illuminating the relatively small space through the living room window, she walked straight, past the kitchen on her right, hooking left and down the hall. She turned right, staring at the door in front of her, putting her hand on the doorknob. Taking a deep breath she sighed inaudibly and let go of the knob. She turned around and went into the bathroom. Shifting right, she placed her hands down on the counter top and stared at herself in the mirror.

She was disgusted in the woman looking back at her. Her usually perfect flaming red hair in a disheveled state, her eyes looked back at her dull and emotionlessly, and her lips ever so slightly red. As she turned on the tap she saw little bruises starting to form on her neck. She stroked over them lightly with her fingers, still gripping the counter with her left hand, she started crying. Slowly sliding down to the floor, she started sobbing quietly to herself, the tap still running, drowning out the noises she made.

After she could no longer cry, she picked her self up off the floor, went to the toilet and forced herself to throw up. Trying to make herself feel clean again, from the inside out. She walk back over to the sink once she could no longer purge anything from her stomach. Looking at herself, puffy eyes, tear stained cheeks, and bile still sticking to her chin, she proceeded to make herself look half decent. Taking eye drops, washing her face, brushing her teeth and combing her hair.

She walked out of the bathroom, and again she took the doorknob without opening it. She steadied herself, preparing for the worst. As she walked in, she was slightly surprised, yet relieved, to find her room almost exactly the way she left. The only thing that had changed was that her girlfriend of three years was now sleeping on her left side, facing the wall. She smiled to herself sadly, as she walked to the bed. She got in, snuggled up behind her girlfriend, putting her arm around the woman's hips, and breathed in her scent. She nuzzled into the woman she loves' long black hair, as felt hot tears silently, slowly making their way down her cheeks, she nuzzled more into the woman and gripping her tighter. Only thinking one thing as she fell asleep.

_I can't believe I cheated on her_.

* * *

Sorry if its kind of awkward, it's my first time writing since high school and I'm more of a visual person


	2. Life and Regrets

As she woke up, she felt strong arms gripping her, she carefully turned around to find her princess cuddled up to her. Shego didn't know who's good graces she came under to be with such a wonderful human being. _I must be the luckiest woman ever,_ thought Shego. She kissed her princess on the forehead and watched her stir slightly.

Shego whispered, "Morning, princess," into her hair as she hugged her. Kim nuzzled into Shego's chest and grumbled. Chuckling softy, Shego moved back slightly to look at her grumpy girlfriend, Kim was not a morning person.

Kim decided if she had to wake up, she could at least enjoy herself. She moved her hand from her girlfriends hips to her wonderfully toned green abs, lightly trailing her hands down to the waist band of her shorts. As Kim slipped her hand into the shorts, Shego growled playfully and kissed her forcefully before pulling back more and getting out of bed completely.

"Maybe later, cupcake," said Shego as she walked out the room towards the bathroom.

Kim groaned, flipping on her stomach and pushing her face into the pillow, hoping to get at least a little more sleep.

While Shego brushed her teeth, she couldn't help but smile and think back to the little minx in the bedroom. She was six years younger than green skinned woman, and her libido was insatiable because of it. She was young and just discovering the wonders of sex. And while she wouldn't usually mind giving into her girlfriends advances, the past few months had been really nerve wreaking on her, thus killing any sex drive she had. Shego was nervous. More nervous than she had ever been in her entire life. She was going to propose to her princess. She had the perfect ring picked out, and she wanted the moment she proposed to match just how amazing Kim was.

Shego finished up in the bathroom and went back into the room to check up on Kim. She assumed she just would go back to sleep, and her assumptions were right. She walked in the room to find Kim ass up, face down in her pillow, snoring slightly. Shego decided to let her be for now, but not before taking a picture.

She then decided it was time to make breakfast. Sausage and two eggs with a cup of black coffee for herself and french toast with burnt bacon and a cup of tea for Kim. She mused to herself, as he was making breakfast, that she really did love Kimberly Ann Possible. She didn't know why she was waiting to propose. She figured it was a fear of rejection as she never really had anyone this close to her before.

She was shook from her thoughts, while she was just plating the bacon, by a grumbling Kim walking in, rubbing her eyes. Kim sat down on the bar stool and mumbled what Shego could only assume was the word food. She placed the food in front of her, smiling and walking around the small island, hugging her Kimmie from behind. She kissed her temple, opening her mouth to say something, but it just not coming out. She wanted to say 'I love you,' to her but for some reason she couldn't. For the past two years of them dating, she couldn't muster the courage to say those three words.

She sat down next to Kim on another bar stool and stared at the red head. She loved her, she was sure of it. She frowned, staring into her cup of coffee, searching for answers she just couldn't find. Kim looked over at Shego, this green goddess she called her girlfriend. She noticed the slight frown on her features. She was nervous. She felt unnaturally guilty. She asked Shego, "are you okay? You're frowning at your coffee preeeeetty hard there," with a slight goofy grin. Shego looked over at the red head again, smiling softly, and replied, "Kimmie, I," she paused, looking down at her coffee again. She could say it. She knew she could. She steadied herself, looking at Kim once more.

"I... Really like you, a lot," she sighed, she bailed. If she couldn't even say she loved the girl, how could she propose. She'd say no for sure. The same thoughts had been plaguing her for months now. Kim reached at to the green beauty after stuffing the last piece of bacon in her mouth, "I weewee," she swallowed, "really like you too, Shego," she said softly. And she felt tears rolling down her, feeling disgusted with herself once more.

"Why're you crying, cupcake?" Shego asked as she got up from the bar stool and wrapped her arms around the tearful girl.

"I just really really like you is all, I'm so happy you're here," Kim replied while rubbing her face into Shego's shoulder. Shego just held her, rocking her back and forth until she heard her breathing even out. Kim had fallen asleep, Shego smiled, lifting her up and taking her to the bedroom. Laying her down, she exited the room and decided to watch tv or read a book for once, have a lazy Sunday to herself. It was early April, so she decided to sit out on the small balcony and read after cleaning the kitchen.

Kim, unfortunately, was not getting a peaceful rest. She kept fidgeting and turning in her sleep, her mind plagued with regret and guilt. She knew why she cheated on Shego, but seeing her happy face in the morning brought so much guilt onto her that it hurt to just be around the green beauty.

She woke up from dark dreams of broken lives, running to the bathroom to throw up. She turned the shower on and sank to the floor, resting her head on the toilet seat, thinking about what she would do next. She knew she had to tell her the truth, she just didn't know how to tell her in a way that she wouldn't beat the hell out of her and leave.

She flushed the toilet and stripped, walking into the shower that had long since gone cold. She let the cold water pound on her fevered skin, letting her actions from the night before plague her mind. Why'd she do it, Shego would probably ask, and with who. She leaned forward, pressing her forehead to the wall of the shower. Letting out a sigh she got out of the shower, changed and went to find Shego.

She walked onto the small balcony, through the sliding door, and Shego turned her head up to look at her, "looks like someone's finally up for the day," she states with a small chuckle and proceeds to ask, "What happened anyways? You're not one for tears, princess."

Kim took the other seat on the balcony, it was large enough to sit two people and have a small table, perfect for morning coffee. She looked at her green girlfriend and smiled, stating, "I'm just really glad to have you in my life, I...," she faltered, wanting to tell the woman she loved what she had happened but failing miserably, reaching over and putting her hand on the older woman's arm, she continued, "I told you when we first started dating that I stay by your side for as long as this lasted, and honestly, we both thought it wouldn't last more than a couple months. That it was just my silly crush and you indulging in your cheerleader fantasy."

"That was one hell of a birthday," Shego said, interupting Kim and smirking at the memory.

Kim ignored her, "Yet here we are, two years later, and I'm just relishing in the fact that you're so wonderful to me, and that I don't know what I did to deserve someone as amazing as you." She started leaning over the small table, "You know, I was thinking the exact same thing this morning," murmured Shego as she leaned in as well and kissed her redhead.

As they pulled apart, they both had knots in their stomachs, feeling nervous for their own reasons. Settling into a silence, they sat and watched the city, talking about the 'good ol' days' for the rest of the day.

* * *

A/N: I actually had most of this finished yesterday. But now I know how other authors feel, I had a completely different direction in mind, and then this came out. OHHHH well.


	3. Pushing and Running

It had been three days since the guilt started. She wasn't used to this feeling. Kim looked over at the clock, 3:18. She was lying down in her back, in bed, with her girlfriend sleeping slightly on top of her left side, arm draped her waist. She was stroking Shego's long black hair, her left arm falling asleep faster than her.

She thought back to the night, guilt making her do it.

* * *

It was a regular Saturday. She was relaxing with Shego, or Shane as she usually called her now a days, Shego just came out of habit here and there. It was date night, they had decided just to do something simple, tee shirt, jeans, catch a movie and maybe dinner. Everything was going fine, but Kim could not concentrate on the movie because of how beautiful her girlfriend was. All she was wearing was a simple green tee, with a leather jacket and black jeans but to her she was the most gorgeous woman she'd ever seen.

During the movie Kim couldn't keep her hands off Shego. She was leaning on her, running her hand up and down her arm, which lead to her playing with the hem of her shirt and then trailing her hands up and down those abs she loved some much. She would occasionally play with the lace of Shego's bra. Shego just sat there, taking it all in, not doing very much but letting out a small whimper whenever she would touch her bra. Kim, not one for teasing, decided to just move and straddle Shego's lap, sitting with her knees on either side of her.

Feverishly, she started running her hands up and down the green woman, wanting to touch every part of her. With the hem of her shirt coming slightly above her bra, she moaned quietly, placing her hands on Kim's hips. Kim's lips finding her lover's, peppering kisses wherever she could. Rocking her hips, she wanted this so badly. It had been so long since her and Shego had done anything physical like this. Moaning softly when Shego put her hand under Kim's bra suddenly, then surprised when a flash of light came from their right.

Security, shining a flashlight at them. She blushed and hooked her arms around Shego's neck, hiding her face in the bend of her shoulder and neck. Shego just grinned at the guard and shrugged, picking Kim up like a small child, carrying her out.

Still hiding her face in embarrassment, she squeaked out a small, "sorry," into her lover's ear. Squeezing her ass, she laughed and said, "It's alright, Princess. Let's go home." As she put her Princess down, she took her hand and kissed her knuckles lightly, then held her hand as they walked home.

As soon as they entered the house, Shego pinned Kim to the wooden door behind her, closing it at the same time. Lust filling her emerald eyes, she kissed Kim roughly, trying to get rid of the annoying feeling in her stomach, telling her she couldn't do this to her princess if she wasn't certain how she felt anymore. She'd been contemplating it, not knowing where their relationship was going. She pushed herself off Kim, walked to the couch and sat down with her head in her hands. Kim, still breathing heavily from the earlier kiss, was confused. She walked over to Shego and put her hand on her back.

"What's wrong, Shane? Weren't you enjoying yourself?" asked Kim, thinking she did something wrong because her girlfriend had denied her physical pleasure for another night in the past few months, tried hugging her. She pushed her away; annoyed with herself, annoyed that for once in her life, she didn't know what she was going to do with her life. She walked to the balcony, sliding the door open, "I just want to be alone for a while," she said, letting out a sigh and closing the door behind her. She knew it was unfair to take her displeasure with herself out on Kim but she just didn't know how to handle it. She hadn't really gone through anything like this in a long time. She growled, annoyed that it had come to this.

Kim, dejectedly looked away, and went to the hallway outside the apartment. Tears were running down her face, she was angry this time, she couldn't believe Shego, constantly getting her wound up like this just to say she's too tired or to walk away, saying she had work to do or something daft like that. _You have a hot, half naked redhead in front of you, and you'd rather do work, something's up. Does she not love me like I thought she did?_ Kim questioned to herself sullenly.

She dialed the number of her best friend, Ron Stoppable. While they had broken up a few years ago, having a mutual understanding that they were both growing up and just couldn't keep up a relationship they knew wasn't meant to be, they stayed friends. Best friends in fact, and even though he didn't necessarily agree with her relationship with Shego, considering her past, he let her be, knowing she was happy with her. Kim had the same view of his new relationship with Yori. While, at first, she did not like the ninja, thinking that Ron was just rebounding with her, she grew to love the girl like a sister over the years.

Hearing the dial tone stop, Kim started ranting in the hallway. "Can you believe this?! Shego and I were having a wonderful time at the theater, I was having my way with her, like, god! I've wanted to do her for the longest time, and then security stops us. But that's okay, right, 'cause we're only a couple blocks away from the apartment. So we get in, she kisses me, hard, rough, the way you know I like it, and I'm ready to go. Then next thing you know, she walks away, saying she wants to be alone. How could someone do that to their significant other!? Am I not attractive enough for her anymore, can I not meet her perfect expectations of me, has she just stopped liking me? If she has why can't she just tell me, at least I wouldn't be putting myself out there like that, just for her to toss me aside." She was panting heavily with frustration now. She hated feeling so rejected from the woman she cared so much about.

Shego could hear the ranting through both doors, of course she couldn't hear what she was saying, just a lot of loud noise and Kim's voice. She walked back into the house, noticing that the yelling had stopped. She went to the kitchen, taking out her whiskey and pouring herself a glass. She drank the whole thing without a second though, pouring herself another and downing it again. She put it away and went to the bedroom. She sat on the bed and cried softly into her hands, she didn't know what she was going to do. Their three year anniversary was in about a week, and she would have to figure it out by then. Starting to feel a sight buzz from the whiskey, she lay down on the bed, on her back, arm over her face. Thoughts racing through her mind.

Kim was surprised to hear giggling on the other end of the phone. "I'm sorry Kim-san, I do believe you are looking for Ron," the person on the other end spoke. _Yori, should have said hi before going off like that_, Kim thought, a blush creeping onto her features.

"Sorry Yori, yeah I thought I'd be Ron, but I'm glad for anyone right now. He's at the restaurant, I take?"

"Mhmmm," Came the short reply to her question. "Why don't you come over here, we can talk about it if you'd like, Kim-san," offered the ninja.

"That would be great, Yori, thanks. See you soon." She replied, sighing and hanging up, if Shego wanted to be alone she could be alone all she wanted.

She went back inside the apartment, glancing at the clock, she saw it was 10:47, and decided she would drive. She couldn't find her keys on the hook by the door and could only guess they were in her pocket from yesterday's jeans. She went into the bedroom to get them, opening the door to find Shego lying down, seemingly asleep. She got her keys and tip toed out, closing the door quietly. Smiling sadly to herself, she left for the night.

Shego curled up on her side, her princess was leaving her, she just knew it. She just took her keys and left. She had to make her decision fast, before her princess seemed to be leaving her for good. As she lay down there, all she could think was, _I love you Kimmie, I love you, can't you see that. Don't leave me. Please._ She sobbed to herself. For the first time in a long time, she felt alone. Alone and broken. She fell asleep with nothing but decisions to make and the regret that she didn't run after her.

* * *

A/N: Wooooh another chapter.  
Again, I apologize if my writing is horrible. It's been too long since I wrote anything.

And this probably isnt a lot of people's cup of tea, but the idea was knocking around in my head for a while and I just had to put it down, so why not share.

Anyways, thanks to the people who have already reviewed and followed. :) Your suggestions help tons.

PS, if you see horrible spelling or grammar mistakes, don't be afraid to PM me and tell me so I can fix it.


	4. Confusion and Love

Kim couldn't keep thinking about these memories, it was causing her too much grief. She didn't understand how people could do this to their wives or husbands for years without telling them. Looking back at the clock, _5:21, maybe I should watch some TV, think of something else. _Kim thought while looking down at Shego, who was still on top of her. She pushed her off lightly, trying to get up, she heard Shego mumbling to herself about not wanting to wake up. Kim giggled and kissed her girlfriend on the forehead, now that she was lying on her back.

Getting up, she left for the living room. She sat on the couch and watched some early morning cartoons. She sat there for half an hour, trying to watch but not really paying attention to the animated cat chasing the mouse. She didn't know what to do with herself anymore, all she could think about was the night in question.

* * *

She drove to Yori and Ron's place, which was just in the suburbs of Go City. It only took her about twenty minutes to get there.

Walking up to the door, she was about to knock when Yori opened it, wearing a black tank top and matching black soccer shorts. She stood there, hand still in the air, and blinked for a few seconds before Yori giggled and asked, "Are you not coming in, Kim-san?"

"Uhmmm, yeah, sorry," was Kim's reply, blushing, embarrassed.

Kim walked into the living room of the small house, while Yori went to the kitchen, asking if she wanted anything to drink along the way.

"No thanks, but it'd be great if we could just talk, I've got a lot of pent up frustration here," she smiled back weakly to the Asian woman. Yori sat down with Kim, placing two glasses of water down on the table. "Well then talk to me, Kim-san," Yori said while gingerly rubbing the redhead's back, letting her hand trail down to the small of her back.

"I just don't know Yori," Kim gently rested her head on Yori's shoulder, "I thought she was enjoying it. Then next thing you know, she's walking away from me. All I can help but think is that I did something that would annoy her. I know she hasn't really been in relationships but I wish she would just talk to me, I want her so badly and she just pushes me away like that. She's always kind of kept me at arm's length. I love her you know, but I can't tell her that, she'd probably laugh at me and tell me love is for suckers." Kim had started crying slightly; Yori just pulled her closer, wrapping her arms around the redhead's waist. "I can't take it Yori, I'm just so...so...so _horny_ and she just sits there and ignores me for her work. It's just like she doesn't feel anything for me anymore. I know under that gruff exterior she's kind and sweet and wonderful, she's just so guarded. I don't understand why she just doesn't leave me sometimes. I love her and this is how she treats me."

Yori began stroking the red heads hair, trying to sooth the almost hysteric girl in her arms. She kissed her forehead and rocked her back and forth gently until she quieted down.

She hugged her a bit tighter and said, "Kim-san, Kim, I think she loves you,"

"But you haven't seen the way she's acted the past couple months," Kim interrupted pulling away slightly, looking into the Asian woman's brown eyes, searching for answers of some sort.

"As I was saying, Kim," Yori said forcefully, staring back into her eyes, "I think she loves you, but if she makes you feel unloved, maybe you should just leave her. Maybe she doesn't like you the way you think she does. And maybe your feelings for her are clouding your judgement."

Staring at Yori, she noticed the small smile on her lips, the comforting look in her eyes, she kissed her. She kissed her with a force that knocked Yori on her back with Kim on top of her.

Yori was surprised, but she let Kim do what she needed. She knew that Shego wasn't giving Kim the physical attention she wanted and that she was feeling lonely and unloved. Yori loved Kim, as a friend, and didn't want her to feel that way and if this is what helped her, then so be it.

Kim, not feeling any resistance, continued. Slipping her left hand under Yori's shirt and bra, while her other hand went into her own pants.

* * *

Kim faintly heard her old kimmunicator ringing. While she left the hero business after the lowardian sitch, she still kept the kimmunicator as a cellphone and alarm. She lay down on her side and giggled slightly as she heard Shego start cursing at the incessant sound. She knew the alarm meant it was 7am, and she knew she had class today.

She thanked her alarm clock for ringing because she didn't think she could relive her from that night, even if it was just in her head.

Shego was getting upset with the clock; her red head usually took care of it. And she was nowhere to be found, so she got up to take off the alarm and find her.

"Kimmie, where you?" Shego asked as the padded down the short hallway thinking she might be in the kitchen, getting ready for class.

Kim shuffled on the couch, rubbing her face into the leather cushion, knowing Shego would hear her. Sure enough she felt Shego move her head and sit down. She started running her fingers through the red heads hair. Kim mumbled and hugged at her waist.

"What's wrong, princess?" Shego asked, concerned about her redhead.

"Nothing. I just don't wanna go to class; I wanna spend the day with you."

"As much as I'd love that Kimmie, you've only got about a week 'til your exams. Don't flunk 'cause I'm so irresistible," she chuckled slightly.

Kim groaned, turned her head to look in those emerald eyes she fell in love with. "You know, our three year is tomorrow, I'm making you dinner" said Shego, as she leaned down and pecked Kim on the lips.

"Mhhhh, I know, that sounds wonderful, Shane." She put her hand on Shego's cheek, "You're so good to me, you know, even if you are a pain in the ass sometimes."

Shego leaned down again, taking Kim's bottom lip between her teeth and growled. Letting go, she kissed her. "You know I'm wonderful, now go get ready for your class."

Kim grumbled, and got up. Shego, chuckling, got up, slapping the redheads butt on the way to the kitchen. Kim yelped at the intrusion. "I'll make you breakfast, princess," she grinned manically.

* * *

A/N woops, i had this done like a week ago. My bad.


	5. New Beginnings and Old Stories

Watching Kim get ready was one of those things that she loved about the life she lived now. It was the little things, the way she would brush her hair while looking for her clothes, how she would walk around looking for her things with her toothbrush still in her mouth, that she would open the door while still putting her shoes on.

Now, watching her leave was one if the things she hated about this life. She missed the fiery little redhead when she wasn't there. Not knowing if she would come back to her; she knew Kim got out of the hero business but it wouldn't stop her from helping people.

One day Kim had come home battered and bruised, she had gotten in the middle of a group of guys who were trying to rape a freshman, you can only dodge so many fists at a time, she had scolded the younger woman about being more careful but she just grinned a goofy grin up at her. Sometimes she didn't know what to do with her princess.

Sure, Shego was still the badass she was years ago but she pardon that she would be stupid to give up, she had a new life and she actually cared about someone. It had been years since she cared about anyone, let alone in a romantic sense. It scared her sometimes, especially in the last couple months when she finally decided to accept that she loved the younger woman, but she was Shego and she didn't back down from anything, let alone feelings.

Shane Go wouldn't run away from her feelings anymore. She would face it head on and tell her how she felt tomorrow, make it so romantic and special that no one could say no to her marriage proposal.

She sighed. She would have to open the store soon. Work. Another thing she didn't think she would be doing, she assumed she would be relaxing on a beach, drinking margaritas, meeting muscle heads or beach bunnies for a good time. She smiled, despite the thought, remembering how she even started her work.

About a year into their relationship she was getting antsy just hanging around the apartment whenever Kim was at school. It was fine at first because she loved to relax and at the end of the days she would get to see her redhead but then the waiting got boring. She needed to do something.

Kim was on full scholarship, what school wouldn't want the Kim Possible there, and was renting an apartment above some businesses near the university. Shego decided, since she was so bored at home, to buy the business underneath the apartment, turning it into a small security company. She would set up alarms and help people decide what the best systems and locks were for the area they were in and budget they had. She even helped beef up the security for most of the shops around the area for half the cost; she didn't need people thinking this area was easy to break into. About half a year later it got bigger and she did a few over sea jobs for large companies but didn't like them because it kept her away from her Kimmie.

She went downstairs to open up her store, thinking about all the changes in her life that got her here. The lowardians, her pardon, Kimmie bribing her with sparing to help with the clean up after the invasion. She grinned, that's how it all started.

* * *

Kim asked her if she wanted to go for coffee one day, after helping the relief efforts one day. They started out kind of as friends, they'd talk about things on their downtime, when they weren't sparing or helping clean up. Kim would end up talking about how she and Ron were drifting, and how it didn't feel like they were even in a relationship anymore; Shego would give her what little advice she could, never one for relationships.

After a couple months Kim told her she would be leaving for Go City in a couple weeks, she was starting university, majoring in bio medical. Shego felt a pang of sadness in her, something she wasn't used to, but over the weeks she had begun accustom to going for coffee with the redhead. It brought normalcy back to her life, the turning point of her leaving the villain game.

Shego didn't like it, but she gave Kim her number, telling her to keep in contact. Kim gave Shego that goofy grin she found ever so endearing. She was starting to get wary of this, she never liked being close to people, it meant getting hurt and making rash decisions.

Soon enough Kim left for Go City and not even a week later she called; telling her all about her first week of school and, at the end of the conversation, that she and Ron decided to break up, feeling mutual about growing apart, now that they were doing the long distance thing, and that they'd rather stay friends, though she was still sad about it. Agreeing that it was for the best, she hung up the phone. Sighing, she didn't know why that news made her happy, maybe she was still just as evil as she said she was and liked that Kimmie wasn't happy, and that her relationship failed; somewhere deep down she knew that wasn't the reason though.

Then there was Kim. She loved living alone in Go City, she loved her new found independence, but she did miss spending time with her friends. Monique had gone to New York for fashion design, Ron had gone to Japan for a year for culinary and Shego had stayed in Middleton, saying her hotel suite was too good to leave and that she needed a vacation. She laughed at herself, considering Shego a friend, she hadn't thought about that since the Miss. Go incident. It kind of surprised her that she enjoyed her time with the green skinned woman so much, she was abrasive and a smart ass, but the witty comments made her laugh and she knew that she couldn't be all that evil, she was just a selfish and self-absorbed.

The grouchy green woman was growing on her. She smiled to herself; she lied down on her couch, and accepted that she had a crush on her. She was probably the perfect person for her, able to keep up with her in just about every way. She was fine being friends though; she didn't want to scare off the older woman.

For the rest of the year she would call Shego at least once a week, getting more frequent with her calls near the end of each of her semesters. Then near the end of her second semester Shego decided she would travel the world for a bit, saying she needed to figure out what she wanted to do with herself now that she was basically on a permanent vacation.

She had a feeling the redhead liked her, and wasn't sure if she wanted to see this to fruition. Time to herself to think about it would be best. Find a beach bunny maybe. Train a little here and there.

Both of them were sad about the decision but neither would let the other know, Kim said she was happy that Shego was doing something instead of lazing around and partying in Upperton, where she had eventually bought a house, but was quite distraught. She had come to love calling the older woman, talking to her about her days and learning new things about Shego. She had told her to have a good time and to try and contact her when possible, and then hung up the phone with a brief goodbye.

Shego feigned uninterest, saying it was something to do to pass the time but as soon as she hung up the phone she felt a pang of sadness in her chest. She was starting to hate this feeling, she wasn't use to it and it was part of the reason she was leaving. She understood it was the redhead that was causing her to have all these feelings she wasn't used to, she needed to distance herself from the girl. She needed to clear her head, all these feelings that Kim was bringing out in her were confusing her.

After that conversation Shego went off the grid. Not even Wade could find her. She had gone traveling all over the world, honing her fighting skills, hoping to clear her head. She talked to different masters, looking for advice on how to clear her head. Most of them said the same thing, to stop skirting around the issue and just take it head on, go in defensively, assess the situation and go in when ready.

It would be over a year until Shego talked to Kim again, and for the first time in their friendship, Shego had called Kim. She had nearly missed the phone, waist deep in books while studying for her exams.

Slightly annoyed that someone would be calling while she was studying, she picked up the phone. "Hello," she said with a slight edge of annoyance in her voice.

"Is that anyway to say hello to a friend, Kimmie?"

"Shego!" she yelped in surprise.

"The one and only, kiddo." Shego chuckled, amused by the redheads surprise. "I know it's been a little while," "A year is not a little," Kim interrupted. Shego laughed quietly, "I know, I know. I was wondering if you were busy, if I could come over and see you? It has been a year after all."

Kim looked over at her desk, "Nope, not busy at all, please, come over." She started moving around, cleaning her desk and making sure the apartment was presentable.

Shego chuckled, "I'll be there in about an hour, don't take too long to clean." Kim blushed as she heard the line go dead.

An hour later Shego arrived at the door, a bottle of wine in hand. "You're legal now, right?" She asked, a sheepish grin gracing her strong features, raising the bottle as Kim opened the door. "I've still got a year, but its fine." She smiled brightly, happy to see the green skinned woman after so long. While Shego spotted the couch and walked over to it, Kim went to the kitchen.

"I don't have any wine glasses, is that okay?"

"Any glass is fine, Kimmie. I… I kind of wanted to talk." She sat on one side of the couch, hands in her lap, fidgeting slightly.

"What about, Shego?" she asked while pouring the wine into two cups and sitting on the other end of the couch.

"I lied, these cups are horrible for wine," she stated, taking a sip. Kim punched her in the shoulder lightly. She grinned "I don't know Kimmie; we've been friends for what, two years now?" She stopped, waiting for some sort of confirmation that the redhead was listening.

"Yeah, two years, give or take." She said while trying to drink the wine, alcohol just wasn't her forte. She ended up just downing it.

"Whoa, slow down there, Pumpkin." Shego moved the wine bottle away from the redhead, jokingly. "I… I guess I wanted to ask you something. I don't really know how to say it though."

"Well how about we talk about were for the past year! No call, no mail, no contact at all. I was… kind of worried. I thought maybe I said something and you left." She smiled sadly.

"Well, yes and no," She saw the redhead's face fall, she put her cup on the table and a comforting hand on the redheads thigh. "You didn't do anything wrong, I just had to get away for a while, clear my head." Kim looked at Shego with interest and confusion.

She continued, "Well, you see, I went to a couple different places. I went to each of my old Masters' looking for some advice. I started out in Japan, then China, Indonesia and finally India. They basically all told me the same thing."

She took her hand off the redhead and stared at her glass on the table. She was getting nervous, she never got nervous. She should hate the redhead for making her feel this way, but she couldn't bring herself to feel anything but appreciation towards her. She felt Kim move closer to her and then the smaller hand on top of her own.

"What did they tell you?" She looked at the redhead, a softness in the olive eyes.

Shego swallowed hard, "Well, basically, they told me to stop avoiding the issue, take it head on."

"Take what head on? What's the issue, Shego?"

Shego looked at the redhead, she couldn't take it anymore, she kissed her. Softly at first, just putting her lips on top of Kim's and when she felt no resistance she went in a little harder.

Kim was completely surprised by the turn of events, sure she'd had a crush on Shego for two years now but this was different, not bad but still different. Caught off guard when Shego got a little rougher, she slapped her.

"What the hell, Princess!" Shego yelled, hand to her cheek. She looked at Kim and all she saw was this frightened little girl. "I… I'm sorry, Kim." She stood up, walking to the door of the small apartment.

Kim snapped out of her shock and ran for Shego, "No, no no no no no. Shego!" The green woman had already left the apartment. Turning down the hall she didn't see Shego. Barrelling down the steps two at a time she exited the apartment in time to see Shego closing the door to her Mustang. Running to the passenger door she opened it and got in, slightly surprised that she would leave the door open. As soon as she sat down on the leather seat, trying to catch her breath, there was a glowing green fist in her face.

"What are you doing here, Kim?" asked Shego, lowering her hand to the steering wheel while dousing the flames on her hand. Her knuckles were turning white from her harsh grip on the steering wheel in anger, betraying her calm exterior.

Putting her hand on top of Shego's she spoke, "Shego, look at me. Please." As she watched Shego turn her head to face her, she could see her tear stained cheeks.

"Shego," she looked at her, her expression soft and remorseful. "I didn't mean to do that, you surprised me. I'm sorry."

"It's okay, Kimmie. I understand. I guess I just misjudged the situation, I though-"

She was silenced with a kiss, and it was Shego's turn to be surprised. As soon as that wore off though she kissed back, like there was nothing left to lose. Kim pulled away, resting her forehead on Shego's, "You talk way too much." She grinned.

Shego pecked her on the lips and grinned sheepishly back. "So, uh, you wanna go out sometime?"

Kim started laughing, "Oh man, yeah Shego. Yeah I do." She smiled and kissed Shego again, "I could get used to this."

* * *

Shego sat at her desk, with her feet up, filing her nails. Bad habits die hard. She rubbed her cheek as she remembered the beginning of their relationship, smiling mirthfully. Sure, it may have been a bit of a mess, but she liked it. It was dramatic and in the end, she got the girl.

She watched as people walked in and out of the store for the rest of the day. Tomorrow was going to be amazing, she couldn't wait.


	6. Growing Up and Old Pleasures

Kim was walking home from school; she didn't drive in Go City because she lived close enough to the university to walk and usually took the subway to go downtown since traffic was always so bad there. As she was walking back to the apartment she waved at Shego through the front window, but it was in vain seeing as Shego was asleep behind the counter. She giggled, remembering the sign at the front with business hours, instead of real hours it just said 'We're open whenever I'm awake and here.' Sometimes she didn't know why the green-skinned woman had the business since she was usually sleeping behind the counter.

She smiled; the green skin woman sure had changed since they started dating. She was a lot calmer for one, sure she was still a smart ass and quick to defend herself but she usually didn't start arguments anymore. Two, she barely lit up, just when she wanted to intimidate people who were hitting on the redhead. And three, she was just nicer overall, then again all she had to work off of was years of fighting the woman. One thing that didn't change was her love to lie around and do nothing all day, even at work she'd keep it up.

She enjoyed the sassy woman, they clicked and there was just something about the woman that made her love being around her, three years dating hadn't changed that at all.

Putting her hand on the window, she leaned in and sighed, "I love you, you stupid wonderful woman, I hope you can see that." She heard the store door open and smiled sheepishly as a large man came out looking at her like she was crazy, which she probably looked like she was, talking to a window.

She walked into the side door and up the stairs to the apartment. Throwing her backpack onto the couch she walked into the guest bedroom/office. Sitting down at the desk, sighing, she put her head down on the desk in her arms. She wanted to cry but she couldn't. She couldn't feel pity for herself, she loved the woman and she still screwed up royally. She stood up suddenly, gripping the desk, "Ugh, I can't believe that I'm such an idiot. I'm world saving hero Kim Possible, girl who could do anything; capable of finding an amazing girlfriend, cheating on said girlfriend and becoming a home wrecker." She let out a shaky breath, tears staining her cheeks. Collapsing back onto the chair, "I'm so screwed." She dozed off on the chair, the feeling of self-hate growing slowly.

Shego walked up the stairs, she had already closed for the day. Even if she did get business today, she was too excited to do anything work related. Lazing around in the shop thinking of her Princess got her excited, in more ways than one. _Tomorrow's going to be special but maybe I can make today fun too, _she grinned as she thought to herself.

She knew her Kimmie was home, she saw her backpack on the couch when she walked in. Walking past the kitchen, she ruled out the washroom as she didn't hear any water running. So either the master bedroom or the office, she concluded. The apartment was small, you couldn't hide in here, but to get the element of surprise with people as alert as Kim and Shego, you had to be smart about it. She figured it would be the office, only because Kim should have been home from school right about now.

She slowly opened the door to the office without actually going in; sticking to the shadows she stuck her head in. She sighed in relief. Her redhead was asleep on the office chair. She could still have fun with this. Slowly and quietly making her way to the sleeping redhead; she stood in front of her, slowly leaning down and placing her lips on her girlfriend's.

As suddenly as it started, it ended. She felt a hand on her neck and what she could only assume to be a switch blade at her stomach.

"As much as I'm into kink, this is a little extreme Princess," she choked out, smirking slightly. She was the one who told and taught Kim to use a knife for defence. Not everyone plays fair.

Kim relaxed a little, and smiled up at the green woman. She flipped the blade back and put it back in her pocket. Taking Shego by the collar and wrapping her arms around her, she pulled her in for a proper kiss. "Yeah, but you know I like it rough," she replied with a smirk of her own. It sent chills down Shego's back, maybe she taught Kim a little too much. It's the little things you enjoy about the people you date, the quirks, the way you know what each movement means. She kissed her, roughly, enjoying the feel of the redhead's lips on hers and the sound of teeth hitting teeth.

She picked the redhead up from the chair by her ass, in which Kim responded by wrapping her legs around her waist. Moaning into the kiss, she brought the redhead to the guest bed on the opposite wall. There wasn't time to go to the master bedroom. It had been months, and she needed this now.

When she started this relationship with Kim she knew she had feelings for her and that the redhead was bringing out all these new and buried emotions in her. She didn't think she could love anyone, but here she is, making out with a gorgeous redhead. When she first thought about actually loving her she dismissed it as anxiety. When things go well for so long, something bad has to happen. She learned that the hard way, multiple times. Everything good had been taken away from her once before.

So eventually she stopped having any thoughts of sex, which would be considered unusual for someone with a minx like Kim for a girlfriend. She went back to her defence of just leaving, distancing herself from her again. Every time Kim had started anything with her, she would get wound up and then feel like shit because she felt like she was constantly leading Kim on. She was sure that if Kim didn't break up with her then she would break up with Kim, only because she would run from her feelings again.

But Shego found out her feelings and here she was, loving her life and loving her girlfriend. Finally able to accept her feelings she could do this without feeling guilty, without feeling like it would be the last time she would ever see or feel the lovely redhead again, without knowing what she really felt for her.

Kim started to let her hands roam, first up to the Shego's ample chest, then to her toned abs, playing with the hem of Shego's shirt and pants, then putting her hand in her own pants to relieve herself just in case Shego decided to run off again.

"Nuh uh, Pumpkin, that's my job," she said while removing Kim's hand and replaced it with her own.

A sharp intake of breath and a shaky exhale made Shego grin wide. She missed this, god damn she missed this.

_Oh god, this is going to be a good night_, thought Kim as she relaxed into Shego's skilled touch. This is what she was missing. Sure sex isn't everything but damn if it isn't pleasurable and damn if she didn't miss it. Screw the guilt, she had Shego right here and right now and she wouldn't give that up for anything; selfish as it may be, she wouldn't give Shego up for the world.


	7. Romance and Revelations

Daylight started pouring through the curtains, lightly dusting the two sleeping bodies in a soft morning glow of sunshine. One of the bodies stirs slightly, groaning and turning in her sleep, causing the other body to cuddle up tighter to her, now spooning her.

"Stop moving, Princess, unless you want to go for round three," she said while snaking her hand into her girlfriend's panties. It was one of those odd habits that she loved about her Princess, she always put her panties on before going to sleep, it just made the mornings more interesting. She said it was something to do with Ron walking in on her once or twice.

Kim moaned lightly, enjoying the sensation while still half asleep. She missed this side of her girlfriend, the frisky thief she hadn't seen in a couple months. Wanting the sensation to continue, she moved her hand on top of Shego's to tell her to keep going, in which Shego happily obliged while nipping and sucking on Kim's shoulder and neck.

She missed this so much, how she could go months without this was passed her. The love and affection that they both shared during their night of passion just confirmed her feelings even more. While the sex was amazing, the emotions communicated between them during it were beyond words, it was intense, it was exhilarating.

She was truly in love with her. Shane "Shego" Go was in love with Kimberly Ann Possible and today was the day she was going to propose.

Noticing the redhead start to tremble and her breath start to get ragged, she turned her on her back and kissed her and felt Kim moan into her mouth.

Catching her breath, Kim rolled on top of Shego, she let her hands roam up and down the side of the green woman's muscular frame. "We should do this every morning," said Kim while giving short soft kisses to Shego.

"But then it wouldn't be as good, I'd get predictable and then we'd run into lesbian bed death, wooo~," replied Shego with ghost noises and doing jazz hands at the end; enjoying the attention she missed so much. "Don't you have an exam today? Should I make breakfast?"

Kim groaned, nuzzling into the crook of Shego's neck, "Can I just skip my exam? Also, that's so domestic of you. Where's my bad ass thief?"

Shego chuckled, "She vanished, she met this bratty redhead who demanded her attention aaaaaall the time and her naked body constantly, night and day." She pinched the redheads butt and shoved her off, swinging her legs off the bed and leaving the room, still naked, "I'm going to make you breakfast and you're going to like it,"

"Mhhh, that's better," Kim glanced at the clock, she still had four hours until her exam, breakfast and maybe a quick romp on the couch wouldn't hurt. She grinned at the thought; she had her Shego back, sexy, snarky and great in the sack.

She started getting ready for the day. She had to write her chemistry exam today but figured she'd be out early since it was one of her best subjects, hell she could show up late and still end early. She went to take a shower, waiting for Shego to finish breakfast for her.

Shego heard the shower turn on from the kitchen as she stared into the fridge. To start such a special day she thought she'd make waffles, since Kim liked them so much. 'What's wrong with chocolate chip waffles,' the redhead would always ask, 'they're the best thing ever, desert and breakfast, what more could you want' was always her answer. She chuckled at the memory, the redhead sure had a sweet tooth, how she kept in such good shape with the crap she decides to eat amazed her. Then again, she didn't even know how the redhead survived on her own, she can't cook for the life of her. Laughing to herself, remembering the one day Kim tried to be romantic and make her brunch in bed when she was sick, which was actually Chinese take-out from across the street since she almost burnt down the kitchen trying to make an omelette.

"You sound like a crazy lady, laughing to yourself, you know," said Kim while walking up to Shego, drying off her hair with a towel. "But I do love the lack of clothing; the apron is a nice touch."

"Only crazy for you in those shorts," she replied, pinching the redheads behind, "I hope you're not wearing that to your exam, I don't want some idiot trying to hit on my girlfriend."

"You're so overprotective sometimes, you know. Hello, I am The Kim Possible, I can handle myself. No need to get into a jealous rage now." She sat down on one of the bar stools, getting ready to eat.

"Pfffft, yeah, like I'd do that. I just don't want some idiot trying to take what's mine. Hello, thief, remember. I like what's mine to stay mine." She grinned, thinking of her plans for tonight.

"Oh yeah; the big bad thief Shego. Better put a ring on it," said Kim while laughing, Shego just continued to grin.

She replied, "We'll see about that; just enjoy your waffles for now," while handing the redhead her waffles and sitting down beside her.

"Ooh, chocolate chip waffles with powdered sugar, how you know me so well," she said while pecking her impromptu server on the lips. "Happy three years, Shane."

Kissing her back ever so slightly, she replies, "Happy three years, Kim."

"I thought you said you were going to make dinner btw," she said while stuffing waffles into her mouth, "OJ please?" she whined.

"Don't talk with your mouth full, it's unbecoming," she replied while getting up and going to the fridge. "I am doing dinner, but since last night was so exhausting, I thought you'd need the carbs this morning. Plus, I know it's your favourite aaaaand," she paused slightly as she sat back down after handing Kim her glass, "I thought I'd just start off the day extra special, and pray you don't fail your midterm since I kept you up all night."

"Hmmmm, I could get used to this; great sex, a loving girlfriend _and_ chocolate chip waffles. What more could a girl want."

"I'm telling you, lesbian bed death," She replied, poking Kim on the nose with her fork.

Finishing up their breakfast, Shego started clearing up the counter. "Now go puts some pants on and ill drop you to school."

"But Shaaane, I don't wanna," she whined incessantly and pouting, "I wanna spend the day with you in bed, I don't wanna write an exam today"

"Stop whining. And that face, gah. Stop. How about we stay in bed all of _tomorrow_," she grinned at her compromise; her soon to be fiancé in bed all day with her, unf, she'd love that dearly.

"Fine, fine, that's good with me." She accepted with a huge grin. She got up to kiss her on the cheek and went to put a pair of jeans and tee shirt on, taking out a set for Shego as well.

Following her to the bedroom, Shego admired the sashay of Kim's ass. She shoved Kim down on the bed, which induced a yelp from the redhead, and kissed her forcefully. "I can't wait 'til you come home and have my way with you."

"I thought I was getting dinner first. I'm not that easy, you have to wine and dine me first, Shane."

She shrugged, pulling on her pants, "Maybe I will, maybe I won't. I might just take you on the kitchen counter when you walk in the door."

"If you're still wearing nothing but the apron, I might just be okay with it."

"Well then, we'll just have to see what happens; now let's get you to school so you can study before that exam of yours."

"Awe, and here I was hoping you'd have your way with me, again," replied Kim as she got up to leave, taking a hold of Shego's hand while walking to her mustang outside. Even though it was only a ten minute walk or so, she enjoyed the sentiment of her girlfriend giving her a ride; at least she wanted to spend time with her now.

Getting into the car, Kim stared at the dashboard, contemplating whether she should talk or not, she was enjoying just being around the green thief but she also felt like she needed to talk. Before she knew it, they were already outside of the university library; students walking around even at this early hour, prepping for their exams.

"Alright Princess, time to go." She said, turning to look at the redhead with a smile.

Kim had always liked it when Shego smiled, not grinned or smirked, but genuinely smiled. It really made her feel loved.

Reaching for the door handle she faltered a bit, wanting to talk to Shego, to stay with her at least a bit longer. Three years was a big step, and she wouldn't even be spending most of the day with her.

"Hey. Hey, Kimmie. Is something wrong? You've been staring at the door for like a good two minutes now. I know, I know, my car is amazing and everything but you should probably stop gawking at it and get to studying," said Shego as she rested a comforting hand on Kim's arm and grinned slightly.

Kim blushed as she was snapped out of her thoughts by Shego's voice. "Oh, sorry. Yeah, I should get going." She pecked Shego on the lips, "I just … I just wanted to thank you. You've been pretty awesome the past couple days." She smiled and got out of the car before Shego could reply.

Touching her lips lightly, she spoke to herself, "well that was a little odd," and turned back to the wheel and drove off. She had to do some grocery shopping before she could start getting ready for tonight.

Kim walked up to the library, looking around the field at the students chatting and clamouring away with their friends. She smiled sadly at the thought. She had drifted with Monique due to distance, and while they still talked it wasn't as much. With Ron they still hung out regularly but they were both busy people and didn't get out as much as they liked, a few times a month at most. Then, because of school she never really had time to make new friends, sure she had acquaintances but nothing like she had back in high school.

Because of her type A personality, she threw herself into her studies to make sure she was at the top of her class so she would get into the one of the top medical schools in the country. One of which was a few blocks down from Go City University, the same one that she was currently in. Even when she started med school she wasn't able to make many friends, though it was better than university, but to keep up with her studies, and keep all her scholarships, she only hung out with them when she was physically at the campus.

She continued on the path to the library, still smiling at the soft loneliness she felt. She didn't mind not having many friends, she had Shego outside of class. Being at school for such long hours, having a social life was the least of her worries, so she was grateful to have someone as amazing as Shego to be there whenever she got home. So sure, walking into the library and seeing people making out on the chairs, and seeing people talking away made her feel a little alone but knowing she had Shego to go home to made her feel a lot better.

She had Shego, this wonderful woman that she didn't deserve. She would do anything for Kim at this point, massages, cooking for her, driving her wherever she wanted, surprising her with romantic getaways on her breaks or just to see her family. She was dating an amazing woman. An amazing woman who she cheated on. She could never forgive herself for that, but she'd have to forget about it for now.

Groaning, she sat down on at a desk and prepared to study for her exam, it was 10am and she had another three hours until her four hour exam. Groaning she stuck her head in her textbooks and got ready for a long day.

Going into the apartment, Shego knew she had to clean and start dinner. She dropped the grocery bags by the kitchen entrance and then without even taking off her shoes or jacket she went to the couch and sat down. The stress and pressure were getting to her. She took a small box out of her jacket pocket and flipped it open, staring at the engagement ring inside. It was a platinum tension set diamond ring with an emerald inset on the left side and a ruby inset on the right. The ring was unique, cost her a pretty penny too, but she wanted something special to represent how different their relationship really was. _Why am I getting so worked up about this, god damn. I can do this, nothing to it._ She steeled herself and stood up abruptly with a huff. _I can do this._

Pocketing the ring again, this time in her jeans, she went to start cooking. Kicking her shoes off and hanging her jacket in the closet, she took a deep breath and turned to the kitchen and preheated the oven. She started chopping vegetables and prepping the beef. _Yeah, I can definitely do this,_ she grinned at the thought and continued cooking.

Three hours into her exam Kim handed her paper in, deciding that if the answers weren't correct after the fifth time checking her answers, then they'd never be right. Walking out of the room she smiled as she saw one of her acquaintances walking down the hall as well. They talked about the exam, mainly what questions she think she got wrong or had stumped her slightly because her acquaintance had done the exam Kim had just gotten out of from a few days earlier.

Walking out to the courtyard area they parted ways. Walking down the street, she wondered if Shego was going to pick her up but thought against it since she knew the green skinned woman said she was making a special dinner, so she figured she wouldn't have the time to come. She flipped her switchblade and whistled while walking down the street, the streets weren't necessarily the safest, no matter what time of day it was, so she was always prepared to help someone or herself even. She didn't like it but she had to use her knife on occasion, sometimes drunks just didn't back down from a beat down and she would have to go for the leg or arm.

It was a little early for dinner, considering it was only 4:20, and assuming Shego would be done around five or six meant that she had about an hour to burn. Going to the coffee shop wasn't an option, she didn't want to ruin her appetite or get coffee jitters, the library wasn't an option either as she was too lazy to walk all the way back to the school. She decided to go to the small bookstore down the street from her apartment, simple enough and she could pick up a book for Shego. Her girlfriend had picked up reading weird books in her spare time. Well, maybe not weird per se, just different. She had just finished reading Macho Sluts by Pat Califia, some book about S&M, talk about different.

Walking into the small shop, she walked down the aisles and looked for a good book, something a little less erotic than Shego's tastes, but yet she still ended up in the adult fiction section. She blushed while walking through the aisle, looking for something relatively innocent to read. She picked up a book called The Color Purple and sat down by the end of the shelf, hoping no one would see her. It was a small store, not many people walking around so she had a good chance of just being ignored, hopefully her flaming red hair wouldn't catch anyone's eye.

Forty minutes into the book she stopped reading, quickly getting up and purchasing the book. For a book with such an innocent name and plain cover of a sunflower, it was definitely something Shego would read.

Still wrapped in her thoughts, she barely heard the cashier. "Kim, are you okay? You seem kind of spaced."

"Oh," she laughed sheepishly, self-conscious about the purchase, "yeah I'm fine, just thinking about the book." She knew the cashier, he was the owner of the store as well, and had helped her pick out a few books before for Shego.

He laughed at her, "Yeah, It's a pretty heavy book. For Shane I guess? You really don't seem like someone who would read something like this." Scratching his beard, he looked at her questioningly.

She huffed indignantly, "I could if I wanted, it's just a little…dark for my tastes."

He smiled at her, "Which is why I asked if it was for Shane, seems more like her tastes than yours. Something special happening soon?"

"Mhmm," She gave him a toothy grin, "it's our three year anniversary today, and I just thought I'd pick her up something before I got back to the apartment."

He whistled at her, "damn girl, three years, that's serious." She picked up her bag, thanked him and made her way out. "Tell Shane I say hi by the way!" he yelled as she waved goodbye from the door.

_He's right, this is serious, damn I'm lucky,_ she thought as she walked down the street, smiling to herself, she started jogging. She was only a block or two away from the apartment and wanted to surprise Shego with the book before dinner.

She took the steps two at a time, going up and swinging the door to the apartment open, then stopped in her tracks.

"Whoa…" was all she could get out. There before her was Shego in a tight pair of black slacks and green dress shirt with black suspenders and to top it off, green pin stripe socks. She was leaning over a small table, the couch had been pushed back to fit it in the small space, lighting a candle with her plasma.

Shego turned around at the sound, smirking slightly. She walked up her stunned girlfriend and kissed her on the forehead. "Dinner's almost ready, just a few more finishing touches, alright? Go wash up and change," she pinched the redheads butt for good measure and walked back to the kitchen.

She blushed profusely at the intrusion on her ass and basically ran to get changed, sparing a glance back at her girlfriend as she turned into the bedroom.

Dropping her backpack and the plastic bag with the book on the floor of the bedroom, she started stripping. Searching for her little black dress from the back of the closet, she put on deodorant and some earrings; she dashed to the washroom and put on a bit of makeup, nothing much, though, just a bit of foundation and lipstick. Feeling decently looking enough to be in a room with someone as gorgeous as Shego, she smoothed out the non-existent wrinkles in her dress and walked back into the living room.

A low appreciative whistle came from Shego; she was leaning against a chair with her arms crossed, waiting for her princess to finish getting dressed.

She giggled nervously, walked up to Shego and hugged her, she could feel tears threatening to come out, her girlfriend was amazing and she wouldn't leave her for the world.

Hugging her back softly, she gently pushed her back and before Kim could ask why, she kissed her lightly but passionately. When she pulled back from it, she smirked, and maneuverer her to sit down.

"Wow Shego, this is amazing. Thank you so much." She smiled and took a hold of Shego's hand, gently rubbing it with her thumb. "I know it's all my favourites but you know half of this food is going to be leftovers for the next couple days," she laughed lightly at the situation.

Entwining their fingers, Shego smiled and replied, "I know, I made half portions of the lasagne and shepherd's pie but even that serves like four. But you'll be eating left overs for a day or two, hopefully you'll get sick of it and I won't have to cook it for a while." She laughed, sure she loved cooking for her princess but lasagne was a pain to cook and even worse to clean. She brought their hands to her face and kissed her knuckles lightly and letting go, "Do you want some wine?" she had to stop herself from laughing too hard, as soon as she let go of her girlfriend's hand she had started shoving food onto her plate and in her mouth. Shaking her head no, as she had a piece of garlic bread in her mouth, she continued to eat.

"You know, the food's not going to disappear, you can eat slower, no need to inhale your food. Enjoy the taste and what not." She said while swirling her wine around in her glass, deciding to wait until Kim had stopped piling on food lest her hand be caught in the storm and lose it. "For someone dressed so well, you sure eat like a pig."

After swallowing the food she had stuffed in her mouth, she stuck her tongue out at Shego, "You can't expect me not to _devour_ this food! It's so good and it's my favourites. Bad combination, dear. You asked for it for by making it for me." Shego chucked and raised her hands in surrender, "You're right, I shouldn't have made a special dinner for you, shoulda just let you starve on the streets."

Kim pouted, "You wouldn't do that to your lovely girlfriend, would you really Shego? I thought you adored me, and you'd never get a piece of this ass again."

She flicked a pea at the redhead, "You say that like it's a bad thing." She smirked which caused Kim to pout harder. "You're so mean to me, Shane," she whined.

Starting to put food on her plate and eat finally, she shrugged and smiled, "I am the big bad, mean and green Shego, you can't blame me for being mean. You got yourself into this." Having no retort, Kim huffed and continued to eat.

An hour rolled by as they idly chatted about Kim's exam, the bookstore, and if they were actually going to spend the day in bed tomorrow. After finishing her fourth glass of wine, Shego decided to do something different. She got up and took her princess hand, forcing her to stand up, and went to the stereo. Because they had such different tastes in music – Shego leaning more towards indie, rock and alternative, whereas Kim leaned more towards pop and house music – she kind of just said fuck it and chose whatever CD she wanted, which happened to be a small time band called Metric. Popping in the CD 'Live It Out' she went back to Kim and grabbed her by the waist, getting in real close so she could talk to her.

Wrapping her arms around Shego's neck and resting her head on her shoulder, she laughed softly. "This is one shitty song for a slow dance, you know."

She shrugged, grinned, and kissed Kim on the forehead, "That's fine. I wouldn't have been able to find something to please us both so I just chose what I wanted to listen to."

They swayed for a couple minutes, just taking in each other's presence, before Kim spoke. "Thank you, Shane. You're too good for me; I wonder how I ever actually got to be with someone like you." She gently kissed the crook of Shego's neck.

Moving slightly so she could look into Kim's eyes, she rested her forehead against hers and said, "You're welcome, I know I'm pretty awesome." Pecking her on the lips, she continued, "I should actually be thanking you though. You've put up with me for the past five years, and I know I'm not exactly the most easy to get along with person. I'm easily agitated and wonderfully snarky, but here you are, still with me. I was wondering if you were insane the other day, actually, but then I remembered you're a Possible. A goody goody brat who can do anything, even stay with me for three years. Anyways, you know I'm not really good with words, I've never been able to express myself with them or apologize properly. Me and words just don't get along, we're just not –" Kim put her finger on Shego's lips, "you're rambling, Shane."

She pecked Kim's finger and moved Kim's hand, in which she moved back to Shego's neck. "My bad, I just… I just wanted to tell you that I… I uh… I love you, Kim." She blushed a dark green as she saw Kim start to tear up, she reached into her pocket and taking out a little green box, pulling back a little and going down on one knee, "Kimberly Ann Possible, will you –"

"No, no, no, no, no, no." Kim interrupted hastily, "Shane, Shane stop. I love you, oh my god how I have wanted to say that to you for years now. I love you, Shane." She started crying, tears rolling down her cheeks involuntarily. She placed a hand on each of Shego's cheeks, gently pulling her onto her feet.

"Then… why?" Shego asked quietly, barely audible even to Kim who was standing face to face with her.

"I just… I can't Shane, I don't deserve someone like you."

Shego opened her mouth to speak but Kim shook her head, "I… I cheated on you, Shane, I don't deserve someone like you."

She could feel her chest constrict. It felt like a vice on her heart. This was why she didn't get into relationships, this was the pain she wanted to avoid, the pain she never wanted to feel again. Her father had abandoned her, saying she was nothing because she wasn't his son; her brothers had completely shunned her when she wanted to leave Team Go to go to school. And now here was Kimmie, admitting that she cheated on her. At least she had the balls to tell her, she didn't have to find out from some third party, Ron perhaps.

She had to restrain herself, all she wanted to do was slap the redhead, choke her, maybe. All her instincts were telling her to throw the redhead to the wall and punch her in the face. Something physical that would express the pain she was going through right now.

Shego instead hugged the redhead, who continuously repeated, "I don't deserve you, Shane," over and over again into her shoulder.

Walking over to the couch, she sat them down and rubbed Kim's back until she had cried herself to sleep. Laying her down on the couch she went to the bedroom. She packed her gym bag, the only thing she could find without making much noise, with the essentials. Toothbrush, toothpaste, one towel, some underwear, two pairs of socks, two pairs of shorts, two pairs of jeans, four tee shirts, a sweater and a jacket that she would wear now. She placed the now full bag on the bed, she sighed and went to the small nightstand and opened het drawer. She pulled out ten grand cash that she had put away for just such an occasion. Putting it in the gym bag, she slipped her sneakers on and went to the front door.

Gripping the door knob, she faltered, she looked back at the redhead on the couch. She could feel the tears on her cheeks. She smiled sadly to herself and walked to the kitchen. She left her keys and her cell phone on the kitchen counter.

Looking back at the redhead one last time, she left.


	8. Anger and Forgiveness

She walked as quietly as she could out the door and down the stairs. The last thing she wanted right now was for Kim to wake up and chase after her, especially since she didn't even know where she was going.

Getting into the car, after throwing her bag in the passenger seat, she slumped back into the leather seats and groaned. She willed herself to hate the redhead, she had to hate her, that was the only thing you could do when someone cheated on you. Hate them with all your being. But she couldn't bring herself to do it, she loved her. She felt that if Kim were to cheat on her, there must have been a reason.

She started the car and looked at the time; it was only 10:30pm. She could see people walking down the streets to what she could only assume would be to a bar or club of some sort. Staring at the growing crowd of passer-by's, she reached into her pocket and pulled out the velvet green box. Opening it, she fiddled with the ring.

She wanted to cry but the tears just weren't coming. She wanted to be angry but the only thing she could be angry was with herself. How could she expect anyone to stay with her for more than a couple years, if even that, she wasn't exactly the most pleasant person to be around after all.

She kept trying to think what might have made her Princess want to cheat on her, she thought she had been a pretty good girlfriend; attentive, caring, willing to do anything, sexually appeasing. She sat in deep thought for a while. _Maybe she just got bored of me. That's the only thing that makes sense, I guess. _She smiled sadly to herself. _She was probably just too much of a goody two shoes to break up with me. She probably didn't want to hurt me so she just put up with me until I left her. I wouldn't put it past her to have just said 'I love you' just because I said it._

She licked her lips, she was thirsty. She opened and closed her mouth to try and moisten it somehow, hearing the almost palpable dryness.

She decided she could go to a bar, have something to drink and decide what to do. At least she wouldn't be wasting gas. Driving down to Main and Young, she found an old bar she used to hang out at during and after, mostly after, her Team Go days called the Black Eagle Bar. After pulling out a couple hundred dollar bills, she walked into the ever so familiar scent of alcohol, smoke and puke.

"Shane!" yelled the old man with a mirth that you wouldn't expect from a man of his age, as she walked up to the bar and sat on a stool. "I haven't seen ya in years, mah friend. At least a good ten or so? But ya don't ferget a fine lady such as yourself, especially one with green skin." He laughed as he put his fist out to her.

She chuckled and fist bumped him; for a man at the age of 68, he sure was spry. "Jack, how have you been? Yes, ten years, give or take. I can't believe you're still working here. You still remember my order?"

He grinned at her, "Jack and coke with a shot of vodka on the side."

She shrugged, "Oh, how you know me so well." She stared at him while he went and got her drink, she wondered why she was back here. It had been a few years since she had come here; when she had first started coming here it was because her father was being a pompous ass, constantly calling her useless for being female, that she wasn't good enough to be on the team because she was female, that she should just be a good little bitch like her mother had been. How she hated that man, if you could even call him that. He was deplorable; he beat his wife, the woman he apparently loved because there was a few dishes in the sink or because one of the boys left a towel on the floor. Of course the boys never saw their mother get hit, or see her cry. No, they were always busy with their father, a pleasantry she was never offered because of her gender.

She was thrown out of her reverie when Jack had returned with her drinks. Trying to forget the past that her mind decided to dredge up, she downed the shot of vodka and then the jack and coke. Tapping the bar twice, she yelled to make it a double. Jack complied and brought back a double shot of vodka and a double jack and coke.

"So tell me why yer here after all this time? Or at least tell me where ya been." he asked, while cleaning some of the glasses with a rag.

"Well, I did what you told me all those years back. I took control of my own life. I left that piece of shit family and went off on my own." She smiled at him while downing the second shot of vodka, deciding to slow down a bit she just sipped on her jack and coke. "I couldn't handle it. Being the prim and proper little lady my father wanted me to be, to take my mother's place instead of crime fighting with my brothers. I left and decided to go to school and work, but no one wanted a green skinned freak as an employee, you know, so after I got my degree I was wandering for a while. Ended up in Asia, traveling. I was pretty nomadic for a while, studying martial arts where they'd let me." She sipped on her jack and coke again.

"Ya know, I never said to abandon yer family. I think yer brothers were just a little too influenced by yer fathers old fashioned ways, ya should give 'em another chance."

She frowned deeply and took a large swig of her drink, finishing it. "Can I just get a double jack, neat?"

"Anything for you, m' dear." He smiled and came back rather quickly with her drink. She looked around, it wasn't crowded really, there were enough people for you to be able to hear them there but not enough that you couldn't drown it out. Only two other people at the bar with her, sucking face to her right. "But continue, please."

She smiled at him once again; he was such a kind man, a child at heart though. He was the father she needed when her own wasn't there, especially after her mother had died.

"Where was I?" she took a sip of her drink, "ah, yes. Martial arts and what not. So after Asia I came back to America but couldn't find any employment still, you would think after four years people would be used to weird things but they still couldn't get passed the fact I was green." She chuckled grimly, staring at her hand on the glass. "So I ended up stealing to get by, got a little infamous for the green glow and being so light on my feet relatively fast, and ended up working for a blue dolt. You probably saw the next four years on the news." She smiled wryly at him and downed her drink, tapping on the wood again. He surprised her by just bringing out the bottle from under the counter and pouring it in her glass, she tipped it to him and took a swig.

"Okay, yer right, I've seen most of your adventures on TV, Shane. Or should I call you Shego? Either way, you kind of disappeared after the whole alien thing. I heard you got a pardon, yer not still a criminal, are ya?"

Chuckling, she answered, "Shane is fine, you are like my father after all. And no, I gave up crime. I became pretty good friends with Kim Possible. We… we dated for a while." She smiled shyly at the older man, in the years that she had known him she never thought to ask what he thought about homosexuals, she was afraid he'd shun her.

To her surprise he hugged her over the counter, patting her on the back. Letting go, he spoke, "Wow, Shane! Kim Possible. The Kim Possible! Wooo damn, ya tapped that?! Niiiiiice." You could hear the pride in his voice. She burst out laughing, she couldn't hold it in. This man was just too much. Due to the type of grungy bar this was, no one really spared her a glance, except for the two making out at the end of the bar who stopped long enough to go 'what the fuck' and go back to making out.

Wiping a tear from her eye, she started, "Oh man, I missed this. You're one amazing guy, you know that."

She finished her drink and placed a hundred dollar bill on the counter, said her goodbyes and went back to her car.

She swayed slightly as she gripped the door handle. Sure her superhero metabolism made sure she wouldn't have a hangover but it didn't mean she couldn't feel the wonderful effects of alcohol, she loved a good buzz even though she had stopped drinking to get drunk after university.

She sighed contently as she sat back in the leather seats once more, starting the engine she started driving to Upperton, she still had her house there after all. She was glad that it was 12:30; there was no one on the roads at this time, well no one going into the suburbs anyways. It would be another hour or so until she was in Upperton.

An hour and a half later she reared up on her house and parked, she watching people stumble around outside, and music blaring through the open door. The lights were on in all the rooms and while she couldn't really see inside, she could definitely hear a party going on.

She face palmed and hit her head on her steering wheel, groaning. She completely forgot she rented her house out to the tweebs two years ago so that they could go to Upperton University. She could only assume the drunken bodies must have been their UU buddies. _Oh God, they're probably doing it on my sheets._ _My poor bed, my poor house. I did not think the tweebs would have this much of a social life._

Growling to herself, she had nowhere else to go. Well she had one more place to go. Just one, and she didn't know if she wanted to go there right now. She stopped off at the corner store and bought a bottle of Jack Daniels.

Driving another half hour, she parked on the driveway of a pretty famous house. A well-known family lived here, one where the father was a rocket scientist, the mother was a brain surgeon, the daughter was a teen hero, and the sons were geniuses. She sat outside the possible residence in her car and downed half the bottle of whiskey, getting ready to enter the house. She stood up as she exited the car, feeling a bit of vertigo from all the alcohol.

Stumbling a bit to the door, she used the key Princess had given her to open the door and walk in. she tried to close the door as quietly as she could, which wasn't as quietly as she thought it was. She finished the bottle of whiskey in another two swigs and set it down on the steps before walking upstairs, looking for Kim's room. Remembering she was in the loft she looked for the second set of steps. Still stumbling, she managed to get into Kim's room and walked to the bed. Wrapping herself in the duvet, she inhaled the scent of her Princess and she started to cry silently to herself. Sobs racked her body as she laid there, the events of the day finally catching up to her slightly drunken state.

Mrs. Dr. Possible had heard someone enter the house, who would come to their house she didn't know. She thought it might be Kim but she quickly threw that idea out as she would have called beforehand and the twins came home for Saturday dinners so she highly doubted they would be here right now, let alone at 2 in the morning.

She picked up the baseball bat that she kept beside the bed and walked out her door, noticing a figure walk up to Kim's loft space. Thinking that whoever it was was looking for information to use against her Kimmie-Cub, she walked up the stairs and popped her head into the room, shoulders coming up just over the floorboards, the baseball bat in prime batting position and yelled, "I know you're there, just stop whatever you're doing! I've got a weapon and I'm not afraid to hurt you."

She saw that whoever was there was in her bed; disgusted that it might be some weird fetish stalker she crept up slowly. Noticing the figure stiffen and stop moving, she took the opportunity to whip the sheets off and go in for the kill. She barely stopped herself from smashing Shego over the face with a baseball bat. Shego had quickly covered her head with her arms; not in the mood for fighting back she tried to just take the blow but noticed the baseball bat just fall to the floor in front of her, narrowly missing her face.

"Oh god, oh god. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I'll go, just don't hit me." She said, her drunkenness starting to drag up memories she didn't want to relive. "Please don't hit me again." She whispered, and curled up into a fetal position, crying to herself again.

Ann Possible didn't know what was going on but obviously there was some repressed emotions coming through here. She didn't necessarily condone her relationship with Kim at first, mostly because she was an ex con, she noticed that they were good for each other, bringing out the best in the other no matter what they were doing. At least they didn't have some sort of tryst while her Kimmie was still a teenager, they were both consenting adults living perfectly normal lives. She could see the love they shared for each other, it reminded her of when she and James had first started dating.

She smiled sadly at the once tough woman crying like a child on the bed. She didn't know what was wrong with her but it had to be something emotionally traumatic for her to come here stead of being at her own house with Kim. _Kim, oh my gosh, I wonder what happened if she's not here,_ she thought direly.

"Shego, dear," she said rubbing her back. "What's the matter, hun?"

Shego latched onto the older woman's waist and started sobbing again, "Mum, mummy, I'm so sorry I couldn't help you. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." Ann could smell the alcohol off the ex-thief's breath now that she was closer.

Ann was lucky her husband was such a heavy sleeper and that all her kids were now moved out because this looked like it was going to be difficult. She tried to calm the green woman down enough to try and talk to her. Continuing to rub her back she waited until Shego was don't crying, which only took about five minutes. She didn't know what was going on with Shego but it was troublesome to see such a strong woman breaking down like this.

Shego looked up at Ann, putting her hands on the woman's face she started rambling again, "Oh Kimmie, I'm so sorry, what'd I do to deserve this. I know I'm a shitty person, but what'd I do." Ann winced at the strong stench of alcohol coming from the green woman. _They must have gotten into some argument_ she frowned. Shego tried to kiss the older redhead, mistaking her for her Kimmie until there was a loud smack resonating in the room. Ann breathed out heavily as she saw Shego fall to the floor and cradle her cheek in her hand.

It sobered her up quite fast. "Ah shit, Ann, I'm sorry."

"You seem to be saying that a lot today," she smiled at the woman on the floor. Still sitting on the bed, she crossed her legs and put her hands in her lap, "If you don't mind, if you're feeling better now, could you tell me what's wrong, where's Kim, and why you're here drunk off your ass at 2, now 3 in the morning?"

She pulled her legs into her chest and wrapped her arms around them, looking into her lap she mumbled something Ann couldn't quite make out. "What did you say, dear?" she said tersely, she wanted to get this over with as soon as possible and figure out why her daughter's girlfriend was in her house.

"Kim's at the apartment. I don't know what's wrong. I don't get emotional, Ann." She spat out vehemently. "I didn't have anywhere else to go. I didn't plan on getting drunk. I just did, okay." She leaned back on her arms, stretching her legs out and looking out the window. She hated talking about her emotions but this was her house, she might as well spill.

"So then why are you here and not at the apartment with her. Did something happen between you two?" Ann looked at her inquisitively, she hoped Shego didn't do anything to hurt her daughter and get kicked out of their apartment.

She looked at the older redhead through the corner of her eyes and reached in her pocket, tossing the small box at Ann, who caught it ungracefully. "Is this –"

"I proposed to her, or was I going to," she cut Ann off, who was now gawking open mouth at the ring, "she told me she cheated on me. She started crying and wouldn't stop apologizing. I… I couldn't stand to see her that broken up so I just stayed with her until she calmed down. She cried herself to sleep, I just… left. I couldn't be there when she woke up."

She turned her head and looked at Ann, "I was going to go to my house in Upperton, but I forgot that I had left it to your sons' the house for university. SO here I am. I really didn't mean to get hammered though, I barely drink to begin with, I don't know why I did that. I guess… I'm just upset. I put myself out there for your daughter and… she cheated on me. She cheated on me, Ann. Can you believe that." She laughed mirthlessly.

Ann dropped to her knees and hugged Shego, "Oh Shane, I'm sorry to hear that. I wouldn't think Kim would do something like that."

She hugged her back, "Me neither."

Letting go of the green woman, she said "You can stay here for as long as you need Shane. You're always welcome here. I just wish you'd call beforehand next time." She smiled.

Shego chuckled, "Thank you so much, Ann. I think I should be getting some sleep."

"You can stay in the guest room if you'd like, if it's too hard for you to stay in Kimmie's room," said Ann as she got off the floor and starting to walk to the steps.

"No, I think I should desensitize myself from here if anything. Being around her stuff will help me decide what to do about this. If… you know, if I should stay with her or not." Shego stood up, Ann could hear the sadness in her voice, and looked out the window.

"Okay Shego, sleep well." She started down the steps, hoping to get some sleep before work tomorrow.

"Hey, Ann," she called back, still looking out the window. Ann was almost down the steps when she heard Shego call for her. "Thank you." It was barely above a whisper, but Ann had heard it. She smiled sadly to herself and left the lonely woman to herself.

As morning rolled around, Kim groaned at the intrusion of light. She shoved her head into the pillow and reached out for Shego as she was feeling the morning cold. When all she felt was air, not even a bed, she raised her head to look at her at her surroundings.

Confused that she was in her living room, she sat up and looked at the clock; 6:42. Feeling that cold chill from before she wrapped her arms around herself and looked down at her current apparel. Instead of being in her PJs she was in her black dress from the night before. That's when it hit her, she had rejected Shane's marriage proposal and told her that she had cheated on her and then broke down crying. She smiled sadly at this, even though she had told the ex-thief that she cheated on her she still stuck by her and held her as she cried.

Burying her face in her hands she begged herself not to start crying again. She needed to talk to Shego; she had to set things straight, so to speak, because she didn't think she could live with herself if Shego didn't forgive her.

She went to the kitchen and got a bottle of water. She had to do this, even if it was going to be profusely awkward, she dug her own grave.

Shego wasn't in the kitchen or living room, she didn't hear the shower or tap running, so she had to be in one of the bedrooms. She went to the master first, confused when she didn't find Shego there. _Maybe she stayed in the guest room in case I woke up and went to the master, why would she want to sleep with me after what I told her. _She sighed and opened the office door. She frowned when she didn't find her there. Make sure she wasn't in the washroom she checked there too, just in case.

She was getting a little worried; sure, Shego was a morning person but she would leave a note if she left this early in the morning. She grabbed her kimmunicator and went to the living room. She paced around and dialled Shego's cell number.

She jumped in surprise when she heard vibrating from the kitchen. Walking over she found Shego's cellphone and house keys on the counter. She ran outside, not even putting on shoes, and checked for Shego's car. She walked up and down the block twice in hope that maybe she parked farther away than normal. She couldn't find the car, or the snarky woman anywhere around.

As soon as she got into the apartment she leaned back against the door and slid to the floor. Lying down on her side she cried to herself. Sobbing painfully into her hands she thought, _I just fucked up the most wonderful thing in my life. I'm a horrible person._

She didn't know how long she was there for but the next thing she knew her kimmunicator was ringing. She warily rubbed her eyes and answered the call.

"Hello?" she strained to get out.

"Hey Kim!" replied a cheery voice on the other end.

"Oh god Ron, is that you? Ron, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. I fucked up royally, Ron," she wept into the phone.

"Kim. Kim! Kim, relax. Please." The blond was nervous, he didn't really know how to talk to Kim about this. "Yori told me what happened already. I just… didn't know how to bring it up with you so I just ignored it. Ya know? The Ron-man's got your back though. I understand why you did it, Yori explained it to me. It took me a bit to understand, yeah, but I get it. I was angry at first, Kim, I felt kind of betrayed that you didn't tell me right away, especially if you weren't really yourself when you did it. But Kim, I forgive you. I just need you to calm down so we can talk a bit."

"Ron, thank you so much. I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I just felt so dirty afterwards, I could barely bare to think about it. I don't know what to say, Ron. You've always been so good to me, I feel like I've taken advantage of your friendship."

"Well, you kind of did, but like I said, I know where it was coming from and I know you don't harbour any feelings for Yori or me, and that it was a mistake you made out of loneliness and desperation. We both know Shego can be a handful." He laughed nervously trying to get serious as he continued, "But seriously Kim, your mom called me. She said things kind of hit the fan with her. Did you want to talk about it?"

"How… how does my mom know? Do you guys know where she is? I love you and everything Ron but I really feel like I have to talk to Shane about this. I can't just leave it how it is."

"I feel you Kim, hey if the Ron-Man understood then Shego will too, maybe you should just give her some time,"

"No Ron! I need to talk to her, I can't wait. I don't know if she'll ever forgive me if I wait."

"Well, if you say so. I just don't think it's the right idea right now. We've both known Shego for a while now and she seems like she'd be kind of volatile. You know her. Anger first. But yeah, she's at your parent's place, I don't think she's ready to talk yet though. Your mom said that she's kind of just locked herself in your old room."

"Thanks Ron, you're the best. And again, I'm sorry." With that she hung up the phone and got changed. She dashed down the stairs and to a Civic that Shego had gotten her for her 21st birthday. She was surprised to notice that it was already 3pm. She had fallen asleep and Ron's phone call had woken her up.

She sighed, it would be another three or four hours to get her parent's place with traffic. Rush hour traffic sure was hell; how people could commute almost two hours every day to Go City from the Tri City area she had no clue.

She listened to the radio, hopefully it would get her mind off of what she was about to do. She was going to have one of the most important conversations of her life. It would change her life forever, for better or for worst. _Everything you do comes back to bite you in the ass_, she sighed. Four hours until she saw the woman of her wet dreams.

Four hours later and she stood in front of her childhood home. She knocked on the door, she had given Shego her key since she didn't come down here much unless she was with Shego; if anything, Shego would come down and get whatever she needed from her parents. They were oddly close now, even though her parents would give her the stink eye when they first started dating.

As she waited a couple minutes before the door opened.

Shego answered the door, emotionlessly looking at her. It sent a chill down her spine, she hadn't looked at her like that since they were nemeses. Her body language tense, hip cocked, hand on said hip.

"Hi, Shane." She said quietly.

"Kim," she replied coldly.

"Can… can we talk? Please." Asked the redhead, she couldn't quite look at Shego in the eyes.

She grunted and walked away from the door, going into the kitchen. Kim still stood at the door, slightly confused. Not sure if she was welcome in, even though it was her parent's house.

"Are you just going to stand there or are you going to come in?!" Shego shouted from the kitchen.

She huffed and walked into the house, closing the door behind her.

It was going to be a tough night.

* * *

A/N: So apparently the word Sorry is in here like 13 times? 8)

the next chapter is probably going to be the last. there might be an epilogue of some sort though.

Also if you hadn't noticed, i bumped the rating up to M last chapter, mainly for the language (and whatever may or may not happen in the next chapter.)


	9. Alcoholism and Fate

Silence.

That's all that could be heard between the two women sitting in the Possible's kitchen. Shego was staring at Kim with anger, pure, unadulterated anger.

It was a good five minutes of them staring at each other before Kim spoke up.

"Are you drunk, Shane? I can smell the alcohol and the place is littered with bottles." She asked quietly. Curious as her girlfriend never got drunk, indulged in drinking alcohol here and there but never to get drunk, just to enjoy the flavours. The smell of the place was also getting to her, it was strong whiskey.

"What's it too you, Princess?" She spat bitterly. "I can drink if I want to drink, I am an adult." She got up and wobbled to the fridge to get another bottle of Jack Daniel's. She had picked up a bottle or two, or 12, after the doctors Possible had left. Opening it and taking a swig she stood by the fridge, refusing to turn back and look at Kim any longer.

Standing up, Kim walked over to Shego and decided to take the bottle away from her. She gently put her hand over Shego's. "Maybe you should stop, Shane. You don't do this. You don't get drunk, you're better than that," she said softly, a gentleness to her voice that she mimicked in her touch.

Shego lashed out, not being able to take the tone Kim was using. As kind as it was, Shego was in no mood to listen to it.

She shoved her away and started yelling, "what do you know!? I'll drink if I want to drink! If I want to be drunk, I'll be drunk. 'Nuf said." She drank some more and stepped back from Kim, glaring at her coldly, "What the hell do you care anyways!? I thought you were better than some cheap whore but look at you, you'll fuck anything that walks apparently. You fucked Ron's fucking girlfriend for fucks sake. The fuck was that about!?"

She took another swig from her now almost empty bottle and put it down on the counter. Shego's words hurt. Every word was like a stab to the heart. She wanted to stop Shego's ranting but she knew she had every right to be angry with her, so she would let the green woman continue her verbal onslaught.

She grabbed Kim by the shoulders, "seriously Kim, what the fuck. Yori of all people. Was I really that bad of a person!? Was I that horrible of a girlfriend that you had to run to someone else to feel loved! What is it that made you do that! What can I do to make you happy! You never complained before, so why do it?!"

Silence. Kim wasn't sure if she was finished, so she just stood there. Taking the verbal strikes in stride, trying not to break down.

"Say something you fucking bitch!" Screamed Shego. She went to slap the redhead; Kim had even flinched and prepared for the hit. But it never came. Kim looked at Shego, who was clenching her teeth, in mid slap she just stopped.

"I won't give my father the satisfaction of hitting you, and I won't give you the satisfaction that I might have been worth cheating on." She staggered away from Kim. Going back to the table she sat down in the small booth.

Following her girlfriend, ex-girlfriend? She sat down next to her. Putting her hand on the drunken woman's thigh she started to speak. "Are you done Shane? Can I speak now?"

Her only reply was a grunt.

Rubbing the woman's thigh, she spoke up. "I can't apologize enough Shane. Nothing I can do or say can make up for what I did. Can you ever forgive me?" She hugged the green grump but Shego just sat there like a stone, looking away from Kim the whole time.

"I was lonely Shane. You continuously just left me. You started things and stopped abruptly. You refused to talk to me. I just needed someone and it just happened. It was a mistake and I hated myself afterwards. I couldn't even look at myself when I got home. To tell you the truth... I can still barely look at myself. I regret it so much. If I could take it back then I would. I love you, Shane." Tears started rolling down her cheeks uncontrollably. She tried to stop them but it was futile. This was her last ditch attempt and Shego refused to even look at her.

She let go of Shego and slid away a bit, while still being in the booth she wanted to distance herself from her but she still wanted to be near her.

She sniffled and stiffened. She felt Shego wrap her arms around her waist and hug her from behind. She was surprised that the ex thief would do something like this all of a sudden.

"I think you should leave." This time it wasn't the smell of alcohol on Shego's breath that made her stomach drop. "I need some time to think." She kissed her cheek softly as Kim wrapped her hands around Shego's. "I'll call you when I think it's a good time for us to talk. I... I don't want to keep anything from you, Kim, so I'm going to tell you upfront that I'll probably be spending my time away in a hotel. Drinking, most likely. Trying to get my mind off you, for sure." She kissed her cheek again and slipped the ring she had proposed with into the redhead's hand. "Take this, it's yours after all. I don't think I'll need it anymore."

She got up without another word and walked into the living room, leaving Kim to leave, she knew the way out.

Kim got up and left. She fiddled with the ring on the way out. It was beautiful. She got into her car and sat there for a while, going over the day's events. Slipping the ring on the appropriate finger, she stared at it. It was perfect. She hid her face in her hands and cried silently. Everything was falling apart because of one stupid mistake.

Shego sat on the couch, listening to the redhead leave. Faintly hearing an engine start, she assumed it was Kim, leaving. She was lightly surprised that it was about 15 minutes between her leaving the house. _I don't understand what I'm doing anymore, why didn't I just forgive her. I love her for fucks sake, _she thought. She stared down at her hands, getting up she went to the washroom. She washed her hands, scrubbing them as to get some imaginary dirt off; to her it was as if she had just murdered someone, looking for any trace of blood. "I'm pulling a Lady Macbeth. I am going insane. I didn't do anything to her. Hell, she's the one that cheated on me." She splashed some water on her face; she was feeling nauseous and was sweating unnaturally. Wiping her brow with the back of her hand she continued to talk to herself. "I didn't do anything wrong, so why do I feel like shit. Why do I feel like I'm making the worst mistake of my life by not taking her back right away?"

Looking at the mirror, she proceeded to throw up in the sink. _Too much liquor. Way too much liquor._ She thought while leaning over the sink, trying to clean it half-heartedly.

She went to the kitchen to clean up as well, throwing out the liquor bottles and cleaning up whatever mess she made. Finishing up in the kitchen she went to sleep on the couch, not needing the memories of Kim if she were to sleep in her room again. She was already having second thoughts about not forgiving her right away; she didn't need anything else to make her run to the redhead.

Curling up into herself on the Possible's couch, she fell asleep watching cartoons and thinking of her future.

As Kim pulled up to the apartment, sighed in defeat. She really didn't want to go into the apartment alone. Sure, it was small, at times a little tight for the two of them, but she loved it. It felt so large and desolate whenever Shego wasn't around.

She walked up the stairs and stopped in her tracks, staring at the figure in front of her.

"Hey KP, I figured you'd need a friend." Ron said with a lopsided grin, looking up at Kim from his position sitting on the ground.

She smiled slight, glad to have someone to talk to. Her parents had taken in Shego, so she assumed that they'd have taken her side on the whole situation, she didn't want to talk to her mother and it be awkward because she was disappointed in her actions.

"Thanks Ron, yeah. I do." She sat down with Ron. "How long have you been here?" she asked, confused because she had told him she was going to see Shego.

"About an hour, I knew you'd go after her even though I said not to, you're stubborn like that, and so I did some calculations. 2 hours to get to your parents, an hour for you to accept the fact that Shego wasn't going to talk to you, another two hours to get back, another hour for you to calm down at least a little. To my surprise when I came at 9, you weren't here. And now it's almost 11 and you're just getting in."

Kim laughed quietly, "yeah, traffic going was pretty bad, rush hour and all." She stood up abruptly. "Maybe we should go inside." Kim held her hand out for Ron, who took it and got up. Kim finally noticed that he was holding something, "What's in the bag, Ron?" she said while opening the door to the apartment, and going in.

"Well the Ron man thought it would be best if he brought ice cream and cookies for the dear lady. Ice cream is probably melted but the cookies are still good. I got Bueno Nacho too, but I ate it while I was waiting for you to come," he grinned sheepishly.

"Always the same," she smiled as they went into the living room. "Sorry it's kind of messy, I haven't exactly cleaned. You want something to drink? I should probably put the ice cream in the freezer. Let me take those from you."

"Hey now Kim, relax. All you have to do is sit back, chillax and let the Ron man take care of business. Take these cookies and start eating." He pulled out a box of Oreos and handed it to her after opening it. He then cleared the table from the day before, and put the ice cream in the freezer before grabbing a tub that Kim had already had in there and walking back with two spoons.

"Oh Ron," she leaned her head on his shoulder, staring at the blank TV, "I said I'm sorry to you right, I never meant to hurt either you or Yori, it just kind of happened. I don't know why Yori didn't stop me, it was such a stupid mistake."

"She said it was because you were a friend, and you were in pain, she could see that. She's got a kind heart, she didn't see anything wrong with it, she just saw it as helping a friend out. I forgave her because I love her, and I forgive you too, Kim. Because you're always going to be my best friend and I love you," He said handing her the ice cream and a spoon. "Now tell me what happened when you went there. You came home alone so I assume it couldn't have gone good."

She took a few spoonfuls of the sweet, creamy confection, "Well, no," she chuckled darkly, "I… I told her that it was a mistake, that I regret it so much, that I hate myself for it. I can't express how much I hate what I did, I never meant to hurt her, Ron." She shoved some more of the ice cream in her mouth, "I told her I love her, because I do. I've never felt this way about anyone, no offense, Ron." She smiled at him and he smiled back.

"Hey, hey. I hold no grudges. I'm just glad you're happy. Were happy." He grinned at her apologetically, "She'll come around, Kim."

"I hope so; she said that she'd contact me when she was ready to talk. I don't know what I'll do 'til then, I don't even remember what my life was like before her, you know. If I wasn't fighting her as a teen, I was friends with her as an adult and then I dated her, she's always been in my life and now… now she's just not and it feels kind of empty."

"Relax Kim," he squeezed her by the shoulders, "like I said, she'll come around. She just needs some time to figure things out, you know. She loves you more than she lets on. She's just a hard person."

"She asked me to marry her, you know. It's how it all came out, I could have just said yes and buried it down and forgot I ever did anything. I don't think that'd ever be fair to her though. I wouldn't be able to look at myself in the mirror, let alone look at her every day. She gave me the ring, told me it was mine now, that she didn't need it anymore; I guess that means that we're done." She started tearing up; the stress was getting to her. Putting the ice cream on the coffee table and rubbing her face into Ron's shoulder and hugging him. "I don't know what to do."

Ron hugged her back. "Awe Kim, it'll be okay, it's alright. No matter what happens Yori and I are here for you. We can always call up Monique and Wade, woo, how long has it been since we talked to Wade? We're all here for you, your parents are too, don't forget that. Give your mom a call, she's worried about you."

"I'll give her a call; I have one more midterm next week. I think I'll just throw myself into my studies until she calls."

"Whatever you need, Kim. Just remember, we're here for you if you need a friend."

Two weeks later Shego was sitting in her hotel room, top floor of the Four Seasons. She was waiting for Kim to show up.

She had assumed it would take her about a week to figure things out, especially since she didn't have other stresses to worry about, but instead it had taken her a good chunk of two weeks.

She was staring out the window, something she had done a lot since her failed marriage proposal. She liked looking out at the sky, it made her feel like there was more out there than just her, that her problem was small and there was an infinite number of other things out there for her, she wasn't tied down to what was happening now. Life would go on.

There was a knock on the hotel door. She took a steadying breath. "Come in, it's open."

She was still looking out the window, but she heard her footsteps as she walked in, closed the door, and walked up to her. "You look nice, Shane,"

She snorted, "I always look nice." She grinned, still looking out the window.

Finally looking at the redhead, she walked past her and to the couches off to the side. "Come, sit down with me, Princess." She crossed her legs as she sat down.

Kim quickly walked over and sat beside Shego on the plush couch. Keeping quiet, not sure what Shego would say to her if she started talking.

"So Kim, how have you been these past two weeks? How was your final midterm?"

Kim sat there staring at Shego with interest, not sure what the green woman was getting at.

"My midterm was fine, I'm pretty sure I passed. And it's been hard, Shane, it's quiet without you around."

Shego took Kim's hands in her own, staring her down. "I see you're wearing the ring,"

"I would have said yes, Shane. If none of this happened, I would have said yes. I love you with all my heart." She gripped Shego's hands. Not wanting the woman to sleep through her grasps again.

She smiled, she pecked the redhead on the lips, "I love you too, Kim." She pecked her on the lips again. "But I can't do this." Bringing each of her hands to her face, she kissed her left hand. "I promised myself I wouldn't get hurt again, that I'd be able to take care of myself without relying on others." She kissed her right hand, "the past couple years with you have been amazing. More than amazing. I never thought that I'd find someone as amazing as you."

Kim started tearing up, her eyes watering but she refused to cry.

"I feel like I may have lost myself since then though," she continued, "this whole cheating thing just confirmed that. I used to be decisive with everything. Now I'm second guessing myself and wondering what if this happened and what if I did this instead." She let go of Kim's hand and patting her cheek, wiping away a stray tear, "I'm sorry Kim, I love you, I do. But I need time, and I don't want you to be alone, you should go out and find someone better for you. I don't want you to be wondering constantly if I'm going to be there for you or not, waiting for me to walk through the door and say 'I forgive you' and walk back into your life. That wouldn't be fair to you.

"I can't help wish things could be different, and maybe they could. Maybe I could just forgive and forget and then move back in with you but… I don't know Kim, I just can't do that. Not right now anyways. Maybe in the future we could try again, maybe. But I can't right now. Just know that I love you, and I probably always will." She kissed her on the cheek, "If nothing else, just know that you're loved." She smiled sadly at the redhead.

Kim hugged Shego, the tears wouldn't stop but she refused to sob, "Oh Shane, its okay. I love you too, I love you so much, Shane, and I know this wasn't easy for you so thank you. Thank you for always being there for me and for loving me, and for holding me whenever I needed you." She released the green woman and kissed her desperately, "I love you," she said, getting up and walking to the hotel door. Looking back one more time, she saw the green woman touching her lips gingerly and looking lost. Smiling remorsefully, she closed the door.

Hearing the door click closed, she looked back, whispering to herself, "I love you too, Kimmie."

* * *

It was a chilly afternoon, surprising for the city at this time of the year. Shego was wearing jeans and a tee shirt with a tight leather jacket and some converses. She was walking her dog; she had gotten a German shepherd puppy when she had left Kim. She needed something that would love her in her life, and a dog would never cheat on her. Grim but true.

It had taken years, but she had eventually forgiven Kim for cheating on her, she couldn't blame her for what she did. She did a lot of soul searching in the past five years; she had been a bitch for a couple months before Kim had confessed to cheating on her, she could have talked to Kim, discussed what was going on with her, why she wasn't doing things with her, why she seemed distant, but she didn't. So a lot of it was on her as well, it wasn't just Kim's fault, she had driven her away.

A long five years, she had sold her shop for dirt cheap so she could leave. She packed all her stuff when Kim was at school one day and had moved to a more downtown, grungy, urban area. She took up tattooing as a hobby and now tattooed at one of the higher end places. No one from her life with Kim would suspect her to come here, she loved the posh life. Here she was with the, what society called, lower class citizens.

The shepherd barked as they walked by a few people on their way to the park. This dog was the highlight of her life now, she didn't live with much. Sure she had money still, but she didn't need much, her rent was cheap, her job paid well enough that she never had to dip into her ill-gotten gains.

As they got to the park, she frowned; this was far too close to where she used to live for her liking. She didn't know where this dog was dragging her but she was starting to get upset. What if someone saw her, with her luck, they would.

She let the dog off its leash and watched her run around, sniffing everything and peeing on some trees. She sat down on a bench and pulled a Frisbee out of a backpack she had. As she pulled out the Frisbee the dog had come running back to her, "You wanna play girl? I know you wanna play." And she threw the Frisbee quite far. Watching the dog run away, she relaxed and enjoyed her time alone.

"Hey," she turned around, hearing a voice she didn't think she would ever hear again. She glared at the owner; _I would run into her today, wouldn't I. I come to a new park and not even ten minutes into it, she finds me. What're the chances? _There she was, wearing an oversized knitted sweater with some jeans and flats.

"Hello, Princess," the dog ran back with the Frisbee in its mouth, barking. "Not you," she said, using her foot to touch the dog's nose, picking up the Frisbee and tossing it again.

Kim smiled, "you named her after me?"

"How can I help you, Kim?" ignoring her question. She watched as the redhead sat down beside her.

"It's been a while Shego, you look good. I didn't think I'd ever see you again."

She snorted, "I know, I always look good," her voice softened slightly, "I didn't necessarily want you to find me. I'm only here 'cause the dog dragged me here,"

"Well, maybe I should thank the dog later then,"

"And why's that, pumpkin?"

"Mainly because, I was walking home when I saw this lovely minty shade of green walking in the park from the corner for my eyes. I saw you just sitting here, and I thought, maybe it was fate that I'd see you again. So I'm just going to take the chance and ask for another chance. Would you like to go to dinner with me tomorrow?" she rushed out the final part, blushing.

Staring at her for a minute, Shego burst out laughing. Kim huffed. Composing herself, she looked up at the sky, getting sombre quite fast. She looked at the redhead.

"Yeah, Kim. I'd like that, I'd like that a lot." She smiled.

It was time to stop running.

* * *

A/N: I just want to thank everyone who reviewed, favourited, or even just read this. I hope you enjoyed it :)

I was going to end it where she left, maybe add a tiny bit more to end it properly but I just couldn't do it. I actually had plans for this to end badly, with a huge fight as a break up, and I couldn't do it.

Maybe next time.


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